Hmmm. Love.

Don't you love being in love?
For me it's the best thing I ever felt in my whole life. Even better when I got my first console.

That look on the girl's face when she loves you, is....it's the best you could ever imagine.

It seriously pisses me off, and frustrates me that I don't have this girl. I dreamt about one last nioght, and it left me with this feeling I wish to have for real.

Sadly, this is something which I can't control.
I'm still looking, but, it's hard.
There is this girl, who might like me, but I'm not sure. Also, she doesn't give me that feeling....that feeling I had for the first time I loved someone.
I won't forget that, I never will.

I miss it.
I seriously miss it, and I want it back. Now.
: And Sawke, you live to far away...sorry..I can't wait anymore.

Below is a picture of me, girls with intrest and in the neighbourhood for loving a guy like me(16, nerdy, romantic, and philosophical + sports) can subscribe in the comments. I'll let you know how we could meet. Thank you for your time.

Picture yourself this:

You wake up in, get dressed and enter a door which leads to a city. A city filled with theaters and dancings. Everywhere you see people walking around, talking to others with a pink, blu, green, grey or red glow around them..wearing nunchucks or a 2 by 4 with spikes.
It's a big city full of life, full of entertainment. A place where you can become anything.
Where you can get material for movies with no budget or crew.
Everywhere you see markets where people are chatting around, joking and laughing. People saying how much they hate the world or how much troubles they have with their girlfriends.
Some are selling their paintings, and others group together with people who have the same intrest, making little club houses.

And in the distance, you see a massive construction. A gigantic door, glowing with gold light, where thousands of people are standing on a red carpet, getting all the attention they want, showing of the movie they made. A hollywood premier you might say.
People are critizing them, or are giving compliments.

And in the center of the city, you have a big building. A building where the King has his residence accompanied by his councelors.
If you enter in here, you can see the blockbusters of this week, get the Daily Times, and listen to the Top of The Pops.
This building is very active and new material is constantly ready, all around you you see people running around in stress, worrying about deadlines.

This is your home.This is your life.
This, is Newgrounds.

It's not a rant, it's not a blog, it's not even fucking philosophy. It's just a random idea I head for a long time.
I really hope I could animate it one day.

(yeah, that's it for today, sorry. Better things next time, I really needed this to get out, still. first 5 to comment get a comment back.

Well, I just saw an Inconvient Truth for the third time, and I though it would be good to make people aware of it in some way. Not in the stastic, and and facts way. But more, in the emotional way.
You see (I don't know who saw it, but here's a recap: Al Gore -Political Dude- gives you the facts about Global Warming in a nice way.), Al Gore says at a moment: "We could really lose what we take for granted, we could really lose earth". And well, that kinda hit me. It made me do that little snap people need to be convinced by something.

He is fucking right. Things are getting worse, although 75% doesn't notice it, there are things which point out that the Earth is warming up, also, the North Atlantic ocean current is indeed slowing down.
There was a documentary about Global Warming on Nat Geo (my mom got the idea of renting it because of that documentary) which stated that the current is slowing down and that Europe will be living like Canade in the next decade.
Well, thinking about all that, I started replaying that sentence in my head....."we could realy loose it".
Think about it, a world like the Apocalypse, such a beautifull thing, gone.
Think about the times you went swimming in a lake when it was hot, when you went on camp with loads of friends in the summer and just played in the grass, all those things you did when you where young involving nature. Playing in the snow etc....all that...gone.

Well, there isn't much we can do about it now. That's how I think about it.
We've come too far, things have already come to a point of no return. Plus, Earth contains lots of fabulous things, but when I think about the negative things and what makes this society a living hell, well then I think we deserve this faith.
We've done this to ourselves and we are a pest to nature and should be extinguished.

Now tell me, what is your opinion about it? Is there still hope? And will you contribute?

On another news. Related to my previous News Post, a friend of mine got inspired and made an amazing story. I think you should all read it and keep an eye on him, he's a powerfull writer.
Look. It's amazing.

And well, I was thinking about writing some more girl issues, but, it's getting a bit repetitive. And the thing I have in mind is something which occurd almost two years ago.
I'll just leave that, and think of another thing.
I was hoping I'd think of something intriguing because rants, and MySpace bullshit isn't very intresting to read.
I got it.

Stereotypes.

Stereotypes.
This is something which I've been trying to tell to everyone I know.
Everyone wants to be political correct, and multi cultural by saying that thinking in stereotypes is wrong.
Everyone is the same.
Good point, we all are humans and shouldn't be mistreated / discriminated because of our believes, way of life or things we didn't choose in general.

But look at it like this: We're all induviduals. There are hundreds of different religions, we all have different backrgounds and we do have sub cultures like emo, goth etc.
Why should we exclude the idea of stereotyping?
Okay, if it takes a wrong turn and everyone is pre-judgemental then it isn't a good idea.
But what if, we could exclude that?
Now, let me first tell you why I think stereotyping should be accepted and not be labeled as racism(which we all do, well the people I encounter).
Mainly, it keeps the chaos away. I hardly believe that people who get on a train and see different types of cultures think they're all the same. No, I believe it goes like this (in your head):
"Oh look, a black fella. Oh, and there, someone from Asia,he must invented Pokemon or something...hey a muslim, I hope she isn't the loud type of muslim who disturbes the peace".
Why do we do this? Because we're a society, and we all rely on each other. We can't survive just by ourselves. We're like a Bee hive. If you get lost from the hive, you're dead.
And knowing who your fellow man is, helps you living in society, and helps you making good choices in stressed situations.
Stereotyping helps with this. Guessing a persons personality by appearance (and thus stereotyping) helps you knowing your fellow man.

I don't know what to add to it, so I'll just leave it, before it gets worse. BUT! Keep in mind it shouldn't be used in a racist-discriminating, or any form of negativity what so ever. It is there to help you.

Also: As usual, the first 5 who comment get a comment back from me on their own blog. You don't have a blog? Make one, or your comment will go to the next person.....oh and err....Cocks.

Religion
Ah, so many threads on the NG BBS about it. Believers convincing non believers and vice-versa.
I strongly support the Big Bang theory, but this doesn't make me a spiritual person.
I said it before and I'll say it again: I believe that religion offers some kind of hope to those who need it.
Okay, christianity has done terrible things in the past, but it is up to today the most common religion in the western society, so it's natural this is my main vision of spirituality. When someone says "God" I think of an old fuck with a big white beard, followed by some hippy with baggy clothes and wasted on wine. And holes at specific points in his body.
But when get more into it, I end up here "It's wrong according to religion A to believe in religion B" So I don't specify, I believe in a higher life form but not in religion A or B. Just a accepting all religions and when I die I'll see.
To me this sounds the best. I must add, I'm not feared by the idea of Hell, or some after life punishment, so it is not because of this that I globalize. It's the idea of being extremistic wich fears me.
The look of Hitlers face when doing his speaches, fears me. It scares me.
Thinking that Christians do the excact same thing is according to me wrong. It makes you nothing better than Hitler, or any other extremist.
Read a thread about a Christian trying to convince non-christians. See how he acts, "One God and nothing else". Is this the idea of "Spreading the so called word"? Fuck that, I'm going Buddhist then.
But still, I refuse to believe that we end our life and our awareness of life the moment we die and stop sending signals to our body.
I go insane when I try to imagine to be not aware of things. It is simply impossible for our brain to percept that.
Same with "Gods". I don't think that any of our religions we choose is the right one. I believe that the higher life form, is something which we can't imagine. Same with the existence of life, and our 3 (or four) dimensions. That there is a....hm, I think the sentence I'm looking for is "A greater Truth". i.e. : Birds can see colours which we can't. They see colours we can't even imagine. I believe it is the same with God, and the answer to life. The awnser is something we will never be able to come up with because our brain has a limit.

Something unrelated
It was evening.
The moon was high up there. I was wondering how I could get there, it seems better then down here.
It is something which always intruiged me. The moon. How can people not be fascinated by it.
It has this magnetic force, a force that makes you think, a force that lets you see how you really feel at that moment. No shallowness.
I remember the time I found a way to reach it. I remember it well. Yes, I've been there many times.
The road is hard, but pleasant. And how harder the road, how better the outcome.
I landed on the rough land, to see a vast land of emptyness. It was beautiful. It had complete peace, not fouled by the dirty hands of greedy men.
End of unrelated crap

I'm fucking sick of it.
The entertainment world has no more originality, nd I'm seriously pissed because of that.

I just got a little fanfic (Small writings by fans of a certain series of books) from a friend, and the topic was Harry Potter.
Okay, good books, he likes, I don't give a fuck. I hate them series. (I'll explain why, hold on)

Now it starts quit good, the writing is swell, the introduction is intruiging, but then it starts....
All the little elements from the HP world starts to come up.
The bus, the family which hates the main character, etc etc.

Okay, I discuss this with the author and it turns out that this is normal.
Normal?
Yes, fanfic. I don't give a fuck....Okay, it's normal.
But then it got to me. It's everywhere. It's all around us.
Every fucking blockbuster which comes out, every book which is re-published, and re-published.
It's all the same. It isn't original anymore.

Well, you have the South Park theory that everything has been done already. Okay, good point. But still, is it that hard for people, who have studied for this profession, to come up with something new?
To find a story wich isn't based on a book based on a true event based on a game?
The best example is the Lord Of The Fucking Ring series.(not the "based on" thing, but the originality). It's a whole world wich was created along those books, and many people copied that world and placed fucked up characters" they made up" in that world.

Anyway, not just those genre of franchises.
Every movie.
The main trend in the Psychological Thrillers now is the term "Schyzophrenie" (am I saying that right? Shi-zo-phre-nia ?). Everything I see now, has a sudden twist of some murderer who has split personalities.
Okay, intruiging, quite hard to write something in that direction, but does it have to be in every fucking movie?
Seriously. It's just a quick fix now.

- "Uhm...we're stuck with our stories, what should we do now? hur hur hur?"
-"I GOT IT! Let's make him schizophrenic! YAAAAY!"

No.
That's just wrong. Or if the writer doesn't have any inspiration, why doesn't he just read a book, and decides to make a film about that?
This is far out the worst of the worst.
Producing a movie which is based on a book.
I told my mate this and I'm going to tell you.

"A book is something personal, the characters are visionized by your idea, and yours alone. You read that book with your vision of it, your principels. The whole blockbuster idea takes that away, the whole art of writing just vanishes. Because, when you see that movie, you see it with the vision of the director.

Also, the entire hype which follows is just sad. Consumed by the masses. The esthetic value completly dissapears.
I proudly say that I never read the LotR books, and I did see the movies. Why? Because I refuse to read the books BECAUSE of the movie.
The writer is long dead so it's not like he looses money or something. (besides....I don't make a difference...durrrrr....^^)
Same goes with Harry Potter. I also refuse to se the 5th movie because of the hype. And the fact that it's impossible to cramp a 600+ page book into a 2 and a half hour movie and still get something good.

Now where was I ? Ow yes. Originality. Screw that! Personal issues now!

I'm pretty damn fucked up. Yesterday ranting about how I lack a girlfriend and how much I desire for one.
And now this very moment I wish to be gay (again..*sigh*).
Girls discust me, in every way. They are repulsive, ignorant, and hostile.
I think it has to do with my mother. Or not.

Anyway, I have an appointment with a female person tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it. A bit nervous, haven't seen her face to face. Just online. But also...the fact that I'm meeting with a girl...FUCK NO!
I have no clue what is wrong with me. First I'm "depressed" because I don't get enough female affection, and then I just want to stay home, and be white 'n nerdy.
I think I need a psychologist for my mood swings.

Let me get into this.
An entire year spend with a girl, whom I could not have, but still so darn close. When I got smacked in the face with harsh reality I'd never get her, I decided to turn gay, just because I get sick of women.
After a while it gets to me this is too forced and get miserable again for not having a femal companion.
I find someone, kiss her, speculate I get rejected, and turn normal again. Not caring about the not-girlfriend-having, and just want to do what ever the fuck I want.
I could be I am a player, without knowing it. Or I'm just plain pathetic...wich is practicly the same.

So I'm gonna close of here, with the fact that I'm just plaing pathetic and will have a girlfriend eventually, but then brake up for some stupid reason and be pathetic again for a year.
The circle of life. YAAAAAAAAAAAY.

First five receive a comment!
<3.

Let me start by saying sorry for the late update. It kinda slipped my mind.

Rant start, scroll down for some more generalized philosophy
But, I just got into some sort of an argument with my mother, and I don't know if I'm feeling guilty or pissed of.
She is right in a way, but I don't know if I care about it.

I've had my speculations that mothers, well parents in general, are jalous.
Jalous of the fact that youth can waste their life by doing nothing important, and "sleep" their lives away.
But a talk with an elder made me think otherwise.

All the comments I get from my mother point out that she is indeed jalous. The fact that I don't have a job, sit infront of the computer and TV an entire day, don't do anything meaningfull with my life etc. while she has to work hard, has stress everyday and can't sleep out, wich I can.
Untill recently that sounded like the only logicall explanation. But a grandmother told that it's the fact that life speeds up when you get older and she sees me waisting my life wich makes her go crazy and forces me in doing something with my life.

Anyway, I'm sitting her, writing this in Word because she unplugged the cable, and I'm thinking, Is she right? Or should I not care? And I honestly don't know.
It's true, I don't do much for my little sister, but I'm tired of playing her father because I don't know how to.
I don't know how to entertain her 24/7, how to tell her she's doing something wrong (And I don't even know when she IS doing something wrong), or explain things to my mother when she made a mess. Because according to her, I need to watch out for my sister and not vice versa, and she never does anything wrong, because I'm responsible for her.
See what I mean?

I'm sick of being the helping hand in the house, I suck at it, I don't know how to do it, and I don't want to do it.
I want to be the irresponsible teenager who has nohing to worry about. Like all the rest of the younglings.

Rant over, start of philosophy
I think there is a certain point in life, where you forget about your youth days, and actually become and adult. Because the way I see my mother raising me is good, but sometimes I think "What the hell, did you forget about how it was when you where young?"
I think I mentioned her youth once, and then I got some reply about me changing the subject, and that that's not the point etc.
I could be wrong though.
Adults are strange in my opinion. The role models I have around me (family) aren't really what I wish to grow up in. They are greedy, selfish, and ignorant. Even stupid at times.
There are always movies, cartoons or stories in general about the fact that kids could rule the world better. Now, I personally don't buy that idea. Children lack the responsibility and life experience to actually be world leaders, they are too childish and playfull.
Think of it like this: "The moment a child replaces a President, it will be a world of chocolate"
Silly example, yes. But it shows my point better then anything. Don't take it too litterly 'kay?
But I do believe in the fact that kids aren't messed up by our current society. Their minds aren't filled with greedy thoughts, or consumed by the concept of money.
Which we all know ruined everything in our modern community.
Kids are quite pure and innocent. Cliché, but true.

I have nothing more to add.
Goodday, and as always, first five to comment get a comment on their blog.

<3.

Wel, here it is.

My second blog, and this time it's not a rant, I'm too happy to rant today.
It's going to be something which I thought about recently.

But first, my love confession towards Sawke. I needed a new music playlist, but I was too lazy too start all over again. And then as by magic, Sawke (Lori) started sending me really nice music. A genre that I like. She's an angel, and I love her.

She is the most beautifull girl I've ever seen.

I wish I could hold her
I wish I could kiss her
I wish I could be with her and love her for ever and ever, and know, that I'm being loved by her.

Wow. I'm realizing something like...right now....I'm love addicted :D
Beat that!

I haven't had a girlfriend for more than a year , and this frustrates me. I came across a girl and....well..the story can be easly followed here,
and here.

I don't expect you to read it all, so here is the little story:

I like her, she's got a boyfriend, we fucked.
End.

But, anyway, this has nothing to do with what I actually came across.
I'm actally quite inspirationless, but I made a promise to myself I'd do a blog everyday.
Damnit.

Let me just ramble about shit no one cares about.
Like pesty arrogant nerds, who think they own the place.
I hate them, they ruin everything for you. I for one, try to always be as enthousiastic as possible, or I lie to look enthousiastic, because if there is one thing I really hate it's people who are negative.

This reminds me, teenagers.
Don't you just hate them? I mean seriously, they always have to be some kind of stereotype, always have to follow a trend, and always have to be negative. I hate this, if you propose something to a teenager which isn't (what you call it....cool? Or youngster like) in their perspective you'll get shouted at and flamed at, but in real life.
Also, you have these wannabe weirdo's. They act like they are "strange" and "weird" but it's all just an act to get accepted.
Now, I for one like to have a good laugh, but my humor isn't always accepted. It's this slapstick kind of humor combined with NG fads.
I often get stamped as a weirdo by the wannabe weirdos. Strange no?
(them so called weirdos, are oftenly emos)

I fucking hate teenagers, they're a pest to society. They make me feel ashamed of who I am and how I look. You see them on the street in a group, and I think to myself "Gah, pityfull"

Now, this isn't very nice of me, because I am also a teenager. And a very painful one.
I have the most raging hormones one could imagine, I don't know when to shut my trap, and I'm a know-it-all number one.

So, in a way, I'm disgusted by myself.

That's why I seek women love. To have someone who accepts me, and feels happy when near me. Without it, I feel alone, deserted and misarble.
Sometimes I feel so crap that I don't have a female partner to call my own, that I just go on the BBS all night, and talk to girls on MSN about how much I love them.
It makes me feel good to know I'm loving someone, even ifshe is online; it still gets my wings up.

But recently, I went too far. I left on a camp and I met this gorgeous girl there, the first few days were absolutly amazing.
We flirted, we laughed, and we enjoyed our time being together.
Now, at a certain point, I went too far. I started liking her a bit too much, and I knew I pushed it. So I just stopped having fun with her.
Biggest mistake of the camp.

Anyway,
That was it, I hope Iget some comments out of this, and I amused someone with it. Be sure to check again in 24 hrs, there will be a blog waiting. Not an interesting one though.

Oh, and the first 5 commentors get a comment on their blog by me. Capiche?

So here I am, my first blog thingy. I hope I make something intresting out of this, and something wich will lure comments.

Okay.
I'm going to start with who I am, what I do, and what my place is in the world.
My name in the real world is Damien. I'm a 16 year old kid who just finished his first year of photograpy, and am heading towards three more years.
I'm not a typical nerd. I'm skinny, very skinny, no glasses, etc.
I even play sports, and am able to talk to girls.
My place in the world isn't very major, but I doubt there is anyone here on this website, who has a major role in our society. I go to school, and do the dishes, that's it. That's my contribute to society.
Fun, huh.
I live with my 2 year old sister and very, very old mother. So very...old.
(45 is old right?)

Anyway, that was my introduction, nothing big. Very basic. It went quiet good, no?
Lets continue.

I'm going to make this a daily rant. Like a maddox web page of my own.
Or a philosophic blog of the day. Something along those lines. Something intelligent, this aint MySpace people.

The first thing that's on my mind, is a line I read latly.
Well, replace line by "four-page-essay."
It started like this:
(Written in my own words. Can't recall it exactly)

"The moment a monkey smashed a fellow monkey's head, man was born"

And then an entire block of text revolving around man, and the distruction of it's own race without realising it. Better yet: denying it.
Our ignorance, our lust for power and you can go on for four pages.
That's basicly what it said, and I fully agreed, word per word.

I could just copy the entire text, but that wouldn't really be very intresting. Neither for me, or for anyone stupid enough too actually read this. How the fuck did you last it out this far?! Seriously, do you have some sort of brain damage?
Do you, the reader, agree or disagree with the destruction of mankind? + arguments please.

Anyway. I discovered something recently. I have the unique talent for babbeling about one topic without actually going anywhere.
Just rephrasing, and thinking about examples the entire time. I can go on for hours about the fact I can go on for hours about one topic.
I'm a real nag actually, and I don't make much sense.
Well, most people don't. So I'm glad I aint unique.
I couldn't handle the discrimination.

Something else now.
Drugs.
I take them, you take them, everyone takes them you fucking junkies.
I smoke. I smoke weed, or what ever the fuck you demicrats wanna call it.
(Pot?)
And, most people here(or anywhere) dare to state, that it makes you think deep about shit. You know, actually philosophy about stuff.
I don't get that. I just close up, I shut my mouth, and sit there. I respond, yes. But not with deep thoughts.
Okay, I've seen many ramble on about something (and actually go somewhere), when high-stoned.
What confuses me the most, is that users like earthfetish, bonusstage OR WHAT EVER, seem, or tell that they are under influence, and made an epic, deep post.
Dudes and dudettes, when I'm high/drunk. I can't even fucking piss straight, how the fuck would I be able to write with a decent grammar and spelling?
I ask you this, and expect no awnser.

Good day,
And I'll see you tomorrow, with more mind breaking crap.

FUCK YOU ALL, I'm tired.